Nancy and I are an older couple with two children that are now grown and moved away.  Abby, at 29, is a Methodist Youth Minister in Austin, and Joseph, at 28, is an Army Captain now getting ready for graduate school. 

Nancy approached me in 2005 and informed me that she had been thinking about adopting a child for our family.  Of course that started an intense discussion that went on for several months.  Sort of like “Honey I’m pregnant.”   Yes, after soul searching, and consultation with our older children,  we decided that we wanted to adopt, but from where?  We wanted to think about foster children and then adopting, but had heard first hand of disappointments of children being removed and returned back to families after years of time invested.  We truly wanted a child that would be ours.  I had been exposed to adoption from China when one of my co-workers had adopted from that route, so when we heard of a China Adoption activity here in San Antonio we decided that sounded like what we wanted.

After the paper trail and our packet sent off in quest for twin youngsters with a Nov 2006 LID we sat back for our wait.  After some time I was reading about the older children and the difficulty that they had in obtaining a “forever family.”  One article I read said that a child after the age of 8 was assured of never being adopted.  I was surfing the net one evening and came upon a list of older children that were up for adoption, not from Great Wall.  I went over to the Great Wall site and read through their material on older children and submitted an application.  Nancy and I took some pre-adoption courses on line and one of them addressed adoption of the older child.  Reading this planted the seed that this was what we were going to do.

After several months Nancy and I decided that it would be right to have a slightly older child, maybe one like 9 or 10 that we could give a chance for a better life and one that could communicate with us from the outset.   You know, let someone else have the privilege of diapers and potty training (we have done that before) and let us pick up for the school years.  Late one night in early August 2007, I again went on line to Great Wall and made another application followed by an E-mail to tell them I was interested in discussing an older child adoption.  This time was the “right time.”  On a Thursday in early September we received a call from Great Wall of an opportunity!  A 13 year old girl who had fallen out from several other agencies who would time out 29 Oct, would we be interested?   We said a collective “I don’t think so, but send the info and we would prayerfully consider her.”   Friday through Sunday we took the meager data provided, had some interpreted, and read the rest over and over.  We were looking for a child that was as healthy as possible and this child’s report was well over a year old.  Still, it sounded like she met our criteria of being in good health and had a “social” nature in that she interacted well with others.   I looked at Nancy and said “you know this is like one of our exchange students coming to our house and never going home, what could be so bad about that?”  I called Great Wall on Monday and told them “yes”, but there is no way we could get an amended home study and paper work to China by the October deadline.  We turned this small problem over to the Lord and sat back.

Mara Hudock, our Social Worker, came back over and completed our home study, then proceeded to take hours to explain what we could conceivably be getting into.  She really made us think and realize that we needed to prepare as best we could for the unknown.  We prepared for our and our expected new daughter’s home coming by contacting several Chinese folks to have as “safety valves” and interpreters for our new little girl and they agreed to assist us.  It was amazing how many perfect strangers then are part of our family today.  Well the Lord made the timeline work.  We made it to China and completed Tina’s Chinese adoption on 29 Oct.

Some thoughts:
We have a teenager; we asked for someone who could communicate…..she does!    Yesterday she wanted to know when she could start driver’s education.  We do have political discussions; I try and keep everything neutral, particularly when it comes to China.  We do watch CCTV 9 on TV to hear commentary about China.

Tina spoke no English.  We sent her to ESL training at a local college her first summer and have her in ESL in school.  Immersion works wonders.  We are at 2 years and she has gone from test scores of none to intermediate in writing and advanced in speech. 

China prepared Tina well in Math (Geometry) and in Chemistry, with good skills in geography.  The fact we do not use the metric system makes her life miserable!  She is taking AP Mandarin and is a teacher’s assistant in that course as well.  She is fairly well versed in Spanish as much Spanish is used in ESL in Texas.  (Go figure!)

Having an older child requires compressing experiences.   We are trying to help Tina learn what it is to be a family member, an American and to be a Christian (if that is what she wants to chose for herself).

College may be 3-4 years away.  She loves fashion design, painting, and wants to go into International Finance (today).

I would say that if an older child is in your thought process, take time to take some of the Hague approved courses and really think the process through.  Feel free to contact those of us that have made that selection for any questions, as we are all more than eager to assist you.

You have a superb agency in Great Wall.  We had the privilege to travel with several other families represented by other agencies in province.  Michael, our Great Wall guide was by far the most experienced and the most supportive.   I would strongly suggest that you have a guide with you until late in the evenings with things to do to keep your child interested and involved.  We did zoo trips and culture trips while in Shenyang, we all sure learned a great deal.  We changed our Beijing and Great Wall tour until the end to allow our older child to see her country.

We feel that adopting an older child has been more of an experience and joy than any “exchange student that stayed.”  We savor every day and try to fill that day with something new and interesting.  Tina and I are reading Mao’s Last Dancer  by Li Cunxin and letting what we read take us into tangents of discussion.  (It sure is taking time).  Tonight we watched a Kung Fu movie, “Fearless’ with Jet Li,  set in the early 1900’s based on a real ‘master” of bygone years that instilled pride in the Chinese of that period.  These discussions and experiences are because Tina is an older, thinking and yes a communicating young lady.
Blessings sent to all of you families while you consider the adoption of the older child.  We entered into this process with the goal of helping a 13 year old child find a forever family.  We met a girl that wrote asking for a mommy and daddy, clothes of her own, a brother and sister, and just maybe a cat or dog.  What we have is a young lady that is showing us the joys of life.

Love to you all Nancy, Joe and Tina Parker.