WOW!  What a difference a year makes!!  This time last year I was in China meeting my daughter for the first time!  Although I started this motherhood job a lot later than most, I think I’m having more fun.  Yes, I am one of those mother’s who is amazed by everything her daughter does and thinks she’s the greatest, cutest, funniest and brightest kid EVER!!  Lol

How did I get here?  In October 2006, I applied to Great Wall hoping I would get accepted – agencies have a limited number of applications they can accept from single women.  On December 5th I got a call (the first of many) Application accepted – the journey begins!!

At that time, the wait was about 18 months – my LID was April 16, 2007.  I calculated that I could travel to China in December 2008.  However, as the months flew by, the wait got longer and longer.

In February 2008, I called Great Wall to see where I really was in this long line.  There were 1200 families in front of me! I’m not getting any younger – am I going to be able to wait much longer?  When Leigh Anne asked if I would consider the Waiting Child program, I thought:  I’m a single mom-to-be and that didn’t seem fair to adopt a special needs baby I couldn’t take care of all the time.  I work full time!?

Of course, I started thinking and researching the different special needs.  This process was harder than deciding to adopt!  You have to do some soul searching to decide what you can handle – mentally, physically, and financially.  You go through many emotions, you feel prejudiced, and you feel you are being too selective or too restrictive.  In the end, you have to be realistic and determine what is best for you and your child.

I completed my application in April 2008 and starting waiting, again!

In July, I went to Disney World my sister, Kristi, and her family – 4 kids.  Most people think this would be a good birth control plan, but for me, it made me even more ready for this new adventure.  I also started contemplating another change in my plan – switching to a boy or a girl.  I had a great vacation, but got really sick – lost my voice, sinus infection, bronchitis.

On my way back to California, I met my mom in Atlanta for a weekend with relatives.  We had a great time, but on the way home I got stuck at the airport for hours – the best delay I ever experienced!  My got THE call!!  I answered the phone and it was Leigh Anne and Stephanie.  (We had all gotten to know each other very well and they couldn’t decide who got to call me, so they both called.)  I said to my mom:  “It’s Great Wall.  I think they have a baby for me.”  Then to Leigh Anne and Stephanie:  “Do you have a baby for me?”  It was quite funny!! 

They did have a baby for me!!  (I still tear up thinking about this day)  Her name was Yu Jia Yue.  She was from Jiangsu Province.  She weighs 17.5 lbs and is 28 inches tall.  Her birthday is June 28, 2007.  She has a repaired cleft lip and an unrepaired cleft palate.  OMG!!  I was soooo excited and trying to yell, but I had no voice!  And, yes I was crying the whole time, too!  The reality of me becoming a mother is here!!  They sent me a file to review her pictures, health stats, etc.  I needed to get back to them within 48 hours!!  Not a lot of time and I’m in Atlanta! 

Of course, I couldn’t find an Internet connection, so I called Kristi, who I just spent a week with.  She asked:  “After spending a week with us and our 4 kids, you still want to do this?!”  We laughed.  I gave her access to my email – she was the first to see pictures of my baby.  She then sent me the file to my Blackberry.  So, my first glimpse of my baby was on a 2”x2” screen, but she was beautiful!

I was so caught up in the frenzy of calling my family; I almost missed my flight!!  Here I am in an enclosed space surrounded by people who don’t care that I just found out “I’m pregnant!!  And I am really starting to feel sick.  This was the longest flight EVER!!  Since I had so much time to think, I decided I liked the name Jia.   

I finally got home at 1 AM.  I had to see the pictures and read everything Great Wall sent.  The pictures were just the sweetest thing I had ever seen.  And… of course, the reality of it all set in and 1,000 questions ran through my mind – What if this was this too good to be true?  What if there was something else wrong with her?  Could I handle it?  Could I “fix” it?  What if she was the perfect baby for me?  What if… What if …and more what ifs?  I kept coming back to:  how could I not accept this referral?  It was meant to be!  Right?! 

A doctor reviewed Jia’s paperwork.  He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary and thought based on what the records showed she was on track for both growth and development.  I think I had already made up my mind, but it was a relief to get a professional opinion.

Now another paperwork process!!  Oh, yeah and more waiting.  Finally, the day before Thanksgiving, I got my travel approval!!  I’m going to China on December 11th!! 

Although I was excited to meet Jia, I had some fears – What can she eat?  How does she eat?  Does she take a bottle?  I already loved this baby I hadn’t even met yet.  Will she like me?  Will she cry?  How will this transition work? 

Monday, December 15th — Gotcha Day – one of the best days of my life, so far.  I learned Jia had been in a foster home since her lip repair surgery in November.  I gave her a baby doll she immediately hugged and didn’t let go of.  She was intrigued by my brother and me – not sad or mad and just went along with it.  She ate almost everything and fit the name the orphanage gave her – Yue means “happy.”  I think on day four I called her my daughter in my blog and people noticed – I think it finally set in that Jia was my daughter!!  The only problem – she wouldn’t drink from a bottle and didn’t know how to drink from a glass.  I was getting concerned.

On Wednesday, we went to the orphanage in Changshu.  I got to meet her foster mother, I was happy to meet the “mother” who had been taking care of my baby.  Jia was immediately excited about seeing her, but also conflicted – she went to her foster mother, then to me, and back again. 

Jia didn’t know how to drink from a bottle because they fed her liquids with a spoon!  Does that say love and caring? I thought so!  When it was time to go, Jia was really sad and cried for the first time.  She cried until she couldn’t see her foster mother any more.  Her foster mother was also crying.  I was very sad for both of them.

Jia and I bonded very quickly.  Her personality came out more and more each day.  Within a couple of days my worries about eating and bonding were gone.  Our last night in China was the second time Jia cried.  She didn’t want me to put her down.  She had to sleep with me – I felt this was a big step for us.  I loved the closeness and that she allowed me to let her know I was going to be there.

We got home on Christmas Eve – what a great Christmas present!!  My mom was at the airport with my sister Karen and her family, and my brother’s wife.  It was a great homecoming.  Thank goodness my mom was there to help us adjust – mostly to the time zone.  Everything else just seemed to fall into place.

Since I was only off work for 3 months, I wanted to ensure Jia had her surgery while I was on leave.  This decision was also a struggle – I wanted her to have the surgery so soon for a couple of reasons:  1) this surgery usually takes place before children are one; and 2) I wanted to be able to spend the time with her while she recovered.  On the other hand, I questioned this – is it too early?  Do we need to bond more before I put her through this painful surgery?  Some say it helps the bonding process. 

Jia had palate surgery on March 4th.  While it was a good 2 week recovery, she did really well.  She had to eat soft foods for 8 weeks.  I had to watch what she put in her mouth.  And that was about it.  Not as hard as I though it was going to be.  Jia started day care soon after her surgery.  It took her 2 weeks to stop crying when I left her.  She loves her day care and they love her.

It’s been a year since we’ve been home and Jia is loving life and thriving!  She has grown 6 inches and gained 7 pounds.  Her speech is a little behind – her biggest struggle is the air/nasal sounds that she will have to learn to work around.

What’s next?  Speech therapy in the spring.  Her next surgery probably will be right before she starts kindergarten – when kids are more aware of what they look like and what other kids think of them. 

Since Jia is only 2 ½, I haven’t had to deal with the questions about why she looks the way she does or why she talks that way.  I also haven’t had to deal with many adoption related or single mother questions.  Questions most adoptive parents will face one day.  So far, it’s been all the expected dealings with a cleft lip/palate and adopted child.  I know the questions will come and we’ll be ready for them.

As you read my story, it’s a story of adoption, not special needs.  When I look at Jia, I don’t see that she has a cleft lip/palate or that she’s Chinese.  She’s my daughter and I love her with all my heart.  Yes, we have some hurdles in front of this, but I’m doing what I need to do to help her learn, grow and be the best person she can be.  Her “special need” is only part of this whole story, but so is adoption and single parenthood.

Being a single mom isn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be (don’t get me wrong, there are some hard times), but because Jia is who she is, she makes being a mom easier than it should be and more fun that I thought it would be.  (Is this all going to come back to bite me when she’s teenager?)  Jia seems like she’s always been a part of my life. 

While I was waiting for Jia, I kept hearing people say they really believed in this red thread proverb.  I thought it was a sweet proverb, but thought most people were just glad to finally have their babies.  Now, I know – there really is a red thread that connects people who are suppose to be together.  Jia’s Chinese name:  Yu Jia Yue means to foresee a happy family – mission accomplished!