Adoption Was Our Destiny
by Lacee Steigerwald
"A small token of gratitude for this beautiful child." While there are still many people out there who have misconceptions about adoption there are also people like the Traficanti's in Ohio who have not only had the courage to make the successful leap of faith to adopt internationally but will go over and beyond to prove they chose wisely. Once you adopt from China the adopting parent are parents are required to donate $3,000 per child to the orphanage from which he/she came from. Families like the Traficanti's feel more needs to be done. "We believe that her happy, warm disposition is due in large part to the care that she received in the orphanage."
"Adoption was our destiny." Christine's father died in 2000 and during that time they decided to try and begin their family. One night, Christine dreamt that she saw her father knocking on her bedroom window. When she went outside he gave her a big hug. Puzzled, Christine asked, "Didn't you die?" He replied, "Yes, but I'm great...let everyone know that. Now, you have a question for me?" Christine asked, "Am I going to get pregnant? "No," her father replied, "but you will adopt a beautiful girl. It will be wonderful." He then gave her another big hug and the dream ended.
"This dream came before we even knew that we were unable to conceive." First time parents Leonard and Christine adopted their little girl who was born March 12, 2003 in China. Vivian is a gift. According to her parents, Vivian becomes extremely attentive to any child that cries and readily sits by them and strokes their toes. She loves to whisper "I love you, forever and ever" randomly just because:
They had always wanted to adopt, but did not take the action lightly. There were several things to consider. First they worried about how their child would view adoption. They did not want an open adoption and they wanted to be relatively sure their child would be healthy. After researching several programs and agencies Leonard and Christine decided to adopt from China. This decision goes hand in hand with using the right agency. Finding an agency that would work with the couple wasn't as difficult as it would seem since there are only a handful of agencies that can legally facilitate China Adoption. Choosing wisely is the trick, as once in the program timing and detail are essential to getting a child in a reasonable amount of time. Upon reputation they chose one that dealt specifically with China adoption and because they knew that agency had a good reputation with CCAA (Children Center of Adoption Affairs) in China. According to the family, this is a must if you want to be sure you are working with a reputable and responsible program. "Our experience with GWCA (Great Wall China Adoption) was a pleasurable one and we felt confident in their ability to provide us with a child that matched our family dynamics."
They have been trying to donate what they can to their babies orphanage ever since. "We hope that this donation would help the children left behind to be given as much opportunity as possible. It was apparent upon our first meeting with our daughter (and since) that she was well loved and well cared for in the orphanage." This family has been kind enough to share their story with their community in hopes that it will spread awareness and education in regards to adoption.
Autumn Rain and Autumn Dew
"My heart goes out to that grieving mother and I wish it was possible to let her know that her girls are okay." A new adoptive mother reflects on the relatively unknown past of her daughters. Twins, Samantha and Josephine were adopted in 2003 from China. When they were found, each baby had been given a Chinese name, Autumn Rain and Autumn Dew. "We knew the time and day of birth for each child. I checked the weather that day and it was intermittent rain and mist that night in Nanning," Jimmy says with a serendipitous tone. Six months away from meeting their daughters, the first time parents lived in Southlake, Texas which was far away from any physical connection they could make with them.
Shortly after Alice and Jimmy Blake agreed to adopt Autumn Rain and Autumn Dew the couple received a copy of the note that was left with the girls. Additionally, they received copies of the announcement in the local papers with the "findings" information. When asked about any inhibitions they may have felt when deciding to adopt they said "none." For example, what about the cost? They replied, "Cost was never an issue. If the cost of adoption concerns you, talk to your tax advisor. There are many deductions that you receive from the government or your employer." Jimmy and Alice maintain a carefree attitude when it comes to the technicalities of their International adoption. "We really didn't have any inhibitions towards adoptions. I think the only thing that concerned us was not knowing the medical history of our daughters' biological parents. Once we had the girl's medical records and had our doctor review them, most of our concerns were put aside." The Blake's adoption agency, who specializes in China Adoption, translates the medical report for the client before they decide to adopt the child or children.
Adoption is not without its bumpy roads. The Blakes unfortunately started their paperwork at the same time Homeland Security was kicking off and creating their new version of Nightmare on Bureaucracy Street, Citizenship and Immigration Services (CIS) en lieu of Immigration and Naturalization Services (INS).
"This caused us some problems in the beginning, but the overall process is good." Alice added, the paperwork is not difficult and GWCA, (Great Wall China Adoption), the couple's adoption agency, will walk you through the whole process." To top it off, the plane from Beijing was delayed 10 hours due to a snow storm. To say the least, the girls were not amused about leaving their foster families for 12 hours and then being introduced to their "new" parents. "When we entered the government building, you could hear the girls screaming. Every person in the room was crying, but for different reasons. We were overwhelmed with elation and the thrill of finally becoming parents." The experience was bitter sweet. Alice and Robert recant a variety of feelings swarming them all at once. "It must have been heart breaking to give birth to two beautiful girls and then leave them two hours later. My heart goes out to that grieving mother and I wish it was possible to let her know that her girls are okay," says Alice.
The experience in China has forever changed the couple, as it does for many seeing the country from the prospective of an adopting parent. "Since we could not tour the orphanage, we spent the afternoon visiting the locations where our girls were found. It is obvious that the children were placed at a location where people would find them quickly. It must have been heartbreaking to give birth to two beautiful girls and then leave them two hours later. My heart goes out to that grieving mother and I wish it was possible to let her know that her girls are okay."
China or Bust!
When Julia and Glenn were asked if cost was a main concern while trying to decide whether or not they would adopt and their answer was admittedly so. "But, once we decided to adopt, we knew we would find the money somehow," said Julia an adoptive mother to be. A baby they won't meet until next month in fact.
The couple decided that for Glenn's 40th birthday party that they would have people make donations to a Chinese orphanage instead of buying him presents. Julia contacted Great Wall China Adoption Agency to find out which orphanage they knew of needed the most help. Some orphanages have better conditions than others with the better orphanages having too many children and too few amenities. The orphanage the Kuan's helped ended up receiving medical equipment to help children with mental illnesses and an abundance of lotions and baby products with the money they raised.
While both Glenn and Julia are of Asian decent, their decision to adopt goes much deeper than their heritage. "When we first learned about Great Wall and Snow our daughter had already been born but of course, we didn't know that then. We now know that she was born at the end of September of last year. Throughout the process, I would often tell my husband that our daughter was somewhere in China waiting for us. There were times that I felt it stronger than others, but the feeling was always there." Their daughter is not coming from the orphanage that the couple donated to, though they do anticipate donating to her specific orphanage when they get her as Julia and Glenn have recently been granted the rare opportunity to visit their children's orphanage when they travel to China to unite with her.
It's different for girls: 'Do the foreigners who adopt our girls know how to feed and love them in their arms and hearts?'
by
Xinran of The Guardian
Recently I received an email. Had I ever interviewed any women who were forced to give up children because of the "one child" law, which China started in 1981? Yes, many.
One particularly painful memory stands out. On a cold winter morning in 1990, I passed a public toilet in Zhangzhou. A noisy crowd had formed around a little bag of clothes lying in the windy entrance. People were pointing and shouting: "Look, look, she is still alive!"
"Alive? Was this another abandoned baby girl?" I pushed through the crowd and picked up that little bundle: it was a baby girl, barely a few days' old. She was frozen blue, but her tiny nose was twitching. I begged for help: "We should save her, she is alive!"
"Stupid woman, do you know what you are doing? How could you manage this poor thing?"
I couldn't wait for help. I took the baby to the nearest hospital. I paid for first aid for her, but no one in the hospital seemed to be in a hurry to save this dying baby. I took a tape recorder from my backpack and started reporting what I saw. It worked: a doctor stopped and took the baby to the emergency room.
As I waited outside, a nurse said: "Please forgive our cold minds. There are too many abandoned baby girls for us to handle. We have helped more than 10, but afterwards, no one has wanted to take responsibility for their future."
I broadcast this girl's story on my radio show that night. The phone lines were filled with both angry and sympathetic callers.
Ten days later, I got a letter from a childless couple; they wanted to adopt the baby girl. That same day on my answer machine, I heard a crying voice: "Xinran, I am the mother of the baby girl. She was born just four days before you saved her. Thank you so much for taking my daughter to hospital. I watched in the crowd with my heart broken. I followed you and sat outside your radio station all day. Many, many times I almost shouted out to you: 'That is my baby!'
"I know many people hate me; I hate myself even more. But you don't know how hard life is for a girl in the countryside as the first child of a poor family. When I saw their little bodies bullied by hard work and cruel men, I promised I wouldn't let my girl have such a hopeless life. Her father is a good man, but we can't go against our family and the village. We have to have a boy for the family tree.
"Oh, my money is running out, only two minutes left, it is so expensive.
"We can't read or write. But, if you can, please tell my girl in the future to remember that, no matter how her life turns out, my love will live in her blood and my voice in her heart. [I could hear her crying at this point.] Please beg her new family to love her as if she were their own. I will pray for them every day and..."
The message stopped. Three months later, I sent the baby girl to her new family - a schoolteacher and a lawyer - with her new name "Better". Better's mother never called again.
Afterwards, I started to search for other mothers who had abandoned their girls. This spring, I talked to some near the banks of the Yangtze river. Did they not want to find out where their babies were? "I would rather suffer this dark hole inside me if it means she can have a better life. I don't want to disturb my girl's life," said one. "I am very pleased for a rich person to take my daughter; she has a right to live a good life," said another.
One of them asked me: "Do you believe those foreigners who adopt our girls know how to feed and love them in their arms and heart?"
Two days ago, I forwarded the email below to my assistant, Leo, in China, with a message: Could we do something for the mothers of our Chinese girl babies? Leo replied: Yes! Give the mothers our email address. Let's try to build an information bridge for our girls between the west and China.
"Dear Xinran, My daughter is seven. I adopted her when she was three. All I know is that she was abandoned at 18 months in Chengdu. For every child who finds a home, there are so many left behind. I think of what life will be like for the girls who grow up in institutions. And I always think of my daughter's birth mother and wonder if she has a huge hole in her heart through having to live without this wonderful child. I can't even imagine the collective sorrow all these birth mothers must feel.
"Did you ever interview any of these women who were forced to give up children because of the 'one child' law? Is there any possibility of writing their stories? I know all of our Chinese daughters will one day be searching for answers.
"Sincerely, Kim Giuliano, USA"
Guardian Unlimited © Guardian Newspapers Limited 2004
She Had a Hole in Her Heart
Bob and Grace adopted 3 daughters from China, Emily in 1996, Taylor in 1998 and finally their "Waiting Child" Hannah in 2005.
Robert and Grace Nelson were married in 1995, Grace at 42 and Bob 40. Little did they know that their lives had literally only just begun. Grace had two older sons with a previous marriage and always wanted a daughter but was unable to have anymore children. Bob had never married and had no children. After the couple heard about China's adoptions thru a television program and went to an adoption fair held in Kitsap County held by the Kitsap County Adoption Group, they decided China adopt was for them. Low and behold 9 months later they were holding their daughter Emily. That was way too easy.
"We sincerely only planned on adopting one child." But they watched Emily grow into a wonderful toddler and decided she needed a sister."
Baby Silver and Baby Gold
At 4:00 pm on July 3 2003, Scott and Sheila McClain got the call that would change their lives forever. It was from Great Wall China Adoption in Austin, TX. They were finally here: "My hands were shaking and my tears blinding my eyes so badly that I could not write. TWINS-our long anticipated babies were in China, waiting" to meet the family they would call their own.
Shortly after the McClain's were married, they started researching different adoption avenues, but "[Sheila's] heart kept calling her back to China." Eventually, they decided on Great Wall China Adoption: "We liked Great Wall because they focused all of their attention on China and because we felt that they had a special relationship with the Chinese adoption authorities."
At first, they requested a single child because they lived in an apartment. However, Sheila had a longing for twins: "I had prayed for twins for many years when I was young and still thought perhaps I'd get married at a 'reasonable' age and have children. As my career goals outran my family goals, I stopped praying for children."
But soon after the McClain's revised their request letter, SARS broke out in Asia: "China stopped all adoptions." Everyone was in limbo. The McClain's, however, were able to spend time revising their request and submitted it during the window of time SARS opened for them. When Scott and Sheila met with their "Waiting Families" support group and shared the news that they were requesting twins, they were informed that "fewer than 1% of all Chinese adoptions were twins . . ., but over 30% of families request them.
Even though the odds were against them, Sheila "knew deep in [her] heart that [they] would get twins. Little did Scott and Sheila know that the long awaited answer to their prayers would be met in the form of Silver and Gold. The McClain's were soon to be parents of Pan ZinYin (Baby Silver) and Pan Zin Jin (Baby Gold), identical twin girls living in Southern China.
When asked about their journey, the McClain's say, "Our adoption story is a miracle, but what baby story is not?"
Found At Last
Some adoptive families describe how they found their son or daughter, but Oscar and Julia Trawick, of Southben, Indiana, say that their daughter found them:
We were hoping for a child older than our daughter we adopted in 2003. However, we really wanted both girls to be from YiYang orphanage in Hunan. This way they could travel back together.
But other plans were in store for us. Like many other people, I look at the Waiting Child Program (children with mild to severe medical problems) boards and "oooh" and "ahhhhh." The kids are so cute you could just take them all home. Great Wall China Adoption's list came out around September 7th. I found myself looking at the lists and "ooohing" and "ahhhing" as usual. Then, I clicked on child #13 and got this knot in my belly and a hollow feeling. I thought I was hungry. I closed up the computer and got something to eat. Later, I looked at the list again. I clicked #13 and UGGGGHHHH the feeling. I clicked for more info. This little beauty staring back at me was nothing we had talked about in our request for another daughter, so why was I sitting there crying like I lost something or found something. I tried calling my husband and couldn't get an answer on his phone, so I called a friend of mine. She said, "I think you may have found your daughter." I felt numb.
We went to dinner with some friends that night and I told my husband at dinner that our daughter, Abigail had found us. He just looked at me dumbfounded. I then explained that I had inquired about this little girl.
Soon after Great Wall called me on the 14th to inquire as to why we had chosen this little girl. I told her I didn't choose her; she found me. There was no other real concrete reason. It all just felt right in my heart and in my gut. She then told us if we wanted her, we could have her. Our letter of Intent to CCAA flew quickly out of South Bend. It made it to CCAA on Sept. 23rd.
While we are waiting on approval, I keep thinking, "I don't think I ever felt anything so right before." The Trawick family can truly say they have been found.
There's No Turning Back
New Port Richey, Florida - After having two children, Angie still wanted another child, either by becoming pregnant, fostering, or adopting. Her husband, Steve, on the other hand, said they were blessed with two children and felt that they did not want any more. Angie became discouraged: "Reluctantly, I stopped bringing up the topic of having another child."
But for the Clymer family, one moment would change everything: In November of 2002, we were at park watching a concert with our sons. The singer, Geoff Moore, told a story about how he had two sons and was now the father of a daughter they had adopted from China. He sang a song that he had written for her called "Swept Away" as well as several more songs before ending the concert. While walking out to the car to go home, my husband looked at me and said that after he heard the song "Swept Away" he could not hear any other songs . . . he just kept thinking we have a little girl in China!! I was blown away!! This was the man who said "no more kids."
I didn't say much at the time. I thought he was just caught up in the moment, and I truly thought that he would change his mind, so I did not get excited at all about it. I did not want to be disappointed. A few days later, he was online researching adopting from China and pulled up the Great Wall China Adoption (GWCA) website and requested information. When the info arrived, I still ignored it, but Steve was still trying to figure things out. After several months of me keeping quiet about it, I told him there was an informational meeting about adopting from China. We went to the meeting in February 2003. After the meeting I looked at my husband, and I said, "Decide yes or no. Do we do this or not?." I told him that if he said yes that there was no turning back. He said, "yes - lets do it!"
All our paperwork went to China on October 15, 2003 (which was our 15 year wedding anniversary). We received our referral on May 3, 2004 for Fu Gui Hua soon to be Jadyn Rose Gui Hua Clymer. It was her 1st birthday, and she did not know it yet, but she received a family, and we received the most beautiful gift - our first picture of her. We were in love!
We became a family of five on June 28, 2004. We took our boys (ages 7 and 9 at the time) with us to bring home their little sister. It was an awesome experience, and we are truly blessed to have these three children in our lives.
She is not only "Daddy's little girl," she's also Jordan and Joshua's. She has everyone wrapped around her little finger. The Clymer family has truly been swept away.
Click the site below and you can hear the song that started it all and see a clip of our journey. http://www.expetronics.com/jadyn.wmv>
Receiving Love, Giving Hope
Robert and Janet Soo-Hoo have adopted not one, but two daughters from China, Anna in 2001 and Mia in 2004. They currently live in Grapevine, Texas. Janet had always wanted to adopt from China after a coworker adopted from there several years before she met Robert. When she married Robert, who just happens to be 2nd generation Chinese, it seemed like their destined choice. "We simply cannot imagine life without either of our girls!"
Parents try to prepare the best they can to go to China. They often say they're so surprised they successfully completed the paperwork and are so excited about going to meet their daughter that they don't realize the scariest part is when they hand them this beautiful little child with all of the trust in the world. They are obligated to love that child more than the caretakers, which is a very tough act to follow. When asked to describe the conditions of the environment their girls were raised in the first few months of their lives, Janet simply says, "The caretakers do the best they can. Anna was in a brand new outfit."
Janet and Robert hope this effort makes their children proud of their beginnings as they continue to support the place that gave them a start in life. In celebration of National Adoption Month, this adoptive family would like to remind everyone that, "Adoption is a great way to create a family and is such a positive thing. Donating to a child's orphanage truly helps to give back to the ones that initially cared for your child."
Texas Two Step
These first time parents, back with their twin girls for just under two months now, live in Austin, Texas; a long far cry from where their children's lives began. Like the thousands of abandoned children of China that have been found before them, in the very same conspicuous area and likely for the very same reasons, the babies were immediately taken to the nearby hospital where they underwent a routine, yet thorough examination to determine their age, gender and finally to see if they were healthy enough to be placed in an orphanage. The two girls were found to be no older than a day or so based on the examination and the umbilical cord. They would be taken to the Lei Zhou Social Welfare Institute in the Guangdong Province where they would wait to be claimed by a blood relative, someone who recognized their picture displayed around town or more to the truth of the situation, someone that had second thoughts. After three months, pictures of the twins were taken down and put in a file to be processed for adoption.
"They were ten months older than their last pictures so we both thought they were really pretty and much bigger than what we had imagined." Cindy Wolff describes her daughters upon first sight of them in the Civil Affairs Office in Guangzhou. The girls were a week shy of their second birthday when Cindy and Barry arrived to pick them up in China. Cindy had been there several times on business, but never for something quite like this. Like all families getting ready to adopt, nothing quite prepares you for the day they hand you your child or in the Wolff's case, children. "We were told when they were found and which one of the girls they believed was older, but not much more. Andrea is the one with the serious look on her face," she said as I stared at the pictures before me, their eyes wide and pensive. Many parents find themselves trying to imagine what the children had been through and what their situation might have been sometimes putting themselves in the birth mother's place. When asked what some of the inhibitions they faced when deciding to adopt were, the couple stated that their main concerns were more around finding the right place to adopt from and getting kids that were healthy. They decided to adopt through an agency called Great Wall China Adoption whose headquarters are based in Austin. "In addition, the China program is very well run, sponsored by the Chinese government (CCAA, China Center of Adoption Affairs), and is reasonably quick.
"While twins are rare, they were one of two couples who received twins in their referral group," said Tessa Walker, Dossier Consultant for Great Wall China Adoption. A referral is what parents get when they find out who their child or children that they are adopting are. Many people request twins according to Mrs. Walker, but few really expect to get them. "I think Cindy was kind of in shock," she said regarding the call she made to the couple on the famous Referral Day. "That's pretty typical," Walker adds.
The Wolff's have been home for nearly seven weeks now and they report that the change in the girls is tremendous. "People tell us all the time how lucky the girls are to have us- but we're the lucky ones. Without them we wouldn't be a family. We want our kids to grow up happy, healthy and well adjusted and recognize and appreciate that everyone is different and has value."
Wright as Rain
The Wrights are not your typical family. In fact, "Nobody in [their] family is genetically related to anyone." Kelly Wright was adopted, Kelly's mother was adopted and now, her and Gerry now have two adoptive children. Their unique story is one of perseverance, hope, and love. In 2003, they adopted their first child, Joey through a domestic adoption. While they felt blessed with Joey, they wanted to expand their family and give Joey a little brother or sister: "After a great deal of soul searching, we decided to apply to parent a Down Syndrome child." However, their hopes were crushed "when the birthparents decided on another family for their son . . . right around Christmas."
Feeling rejected and hurt, they stepped out in faith and began to inquire about international adoption and a Chinese-born daughter. However, the feelings of disappointment lingered: "I didn't feel strong enough in the beginning to get my hopes up and be told 'I'm sorry' again." But that all changed. Their social worker introduced them to Great Wall China Adoption in Austin, Texas, an agency dealing strictly with China adoptions.
After requesting a child as healthy as possible, Kelly received the e-mail announcing the new "Waiting Child" list, those children with minor to severe medical problems. While scanning carefully over the faces before her, "one sweet little face reached right through the computer and tugged at [her] heart." She then "promptly ran down the stairs with her picture and announced to Gerry that [they] had found [their] daughter." Kelly describes the moment as a surreal experience: "I always balked at some parents claim that when they received their referral, the face they stared at seemed familiar, like they had known them all their lives, until it happened to me. She was my daughter from that March day on."
So, was the journey: the pain, the excitement, the waiting all worth it? The Wrights say undeniably: "We are living advocates and examples of how the loving act of adoption builds bonds that can touch not just one, but multiple generations."
